ugh so lately well just this week i have been feeling very blah... the hubs is on leave which is nice but there have been days i just kinda dont want to move from bed... the hubby has noticed but i wont tell him whats wrong so he will take our monkey for a ride if he needs to run errands or just keep her busy which is nice but then i feel like a horrible mommy! i know everyone needs to have me time and i need to just be ok with taking it but i decided to be a stay at home mommy so i should be with her 24/7 no complaining! ya i know thats not the way life should be but thats how i feel.. i know it takes 2 to make a baby and 2 to raise it but honestly i dont get a pay check and lately have been slacking on the laundry and cleaning...
i am very stressed about the move we wont know anythign about the erod (erd) until after the 21st and all back up plans are gonna cost us an arm and leg! kinda makes me want to puke!! but i dont say anything to my husband since when we talk about it it turns into a fight... all this stress is making me want to cut... atleats housing said we wont any money to them when we move out since out allowance is less then what he is alocated for housing... we will have to give them permission to take $100 for flea whateva for rugs which is fine have to in most places or find a company and have them do it but all the companies i have called are an arm and leg.. so i dont know anymore... if we do a pod it will cost almost $7000!! craziness but it would be our lock which is a plus! so i dont know what we are gonna do... i have a few other places offering much less but who knows... fingers crossed the army pays it and we can use our tax money for bills and then i wont have to hold my daughter on the long ass flight! (which most likely there will be an empty seat and she can seat there but still dont wanna plan on that)...
i am very excited for move home... i am ready to find myself again and not be stressed as much about bullshit that i should just let go!! i am ready for real friends and family and have my daughter actually see people that wont just be there cause we dont really have anyone else and they are around cause of the hubbys job and not cause they actually like us for us!!
well computer is gonna die and councelling tomorrow suprisingly hubby is coming!! i will update tomorrow about everything... oh we are gonna do a nite time cruise and go to the sea park so the monkey can see some animals :)
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