frustrated

so this is probably gonna sound messed up but we were trying for a baby and it didnt happen this month :( he leaves soon so i am kinda freaking out!! we want a second child espically a playmate for our monkey... she is almost 2 and i am afraid if i dont get pregnant soon i may never get pregnant again.. i know that sounds messed up but i am almost 30 and i have bad kidneys it just seem slike it may not happy... i know when its meant to be it will happen but i feel like lst deployment was so much easier being pregnant and we had this exciting thing happening for r&r and well i am just afraid i guess espically since we cant even agree where we will spend it with his family or mine... i have no desire to go to michigan cause then he will wanna see his dad who is a piece of shit so i just dont know...

ugh atleast if i was pregnant he would come to me and we would just have us time but nope :( maybe next month obviously if it does happen i dont plan to post it here until i start telling people... sadly i am not one of those girls the minute i pee on a stick i tell people... with our daughter rear de knew and one friend... at about 12 weeks we told our parents since my grandfther died and i couldnt fly so i had to tell my parents the truth... then at 20 weeks when we found out the sex fb and myspace and texts went out along with belly pics and ultrasounds...

i just wish i could tell the hubby how much it hurts to not be able to be pregnant espically since we are doing everything the same, prenatal pills and sex every other day and everyday when i am ovulating... but still no baby :(

well maybe next month or r&r or after deployment... send your baby dust my way if you are pregnant or just had a baby!!