30 days

so the spouse or whatever he is right now is gone for a bit... 30 days or so

which unlike some wives works for me... now we can both think or figure things out without having to just look at each other and fight!! which thankfully we hold off till our daughter is in bed...

anyways since he is gone i have a list a things i need to do before the erd (military move bakc to mass) for this deployment.. and our dog leaves to my parents house next month! we felt it would be less stress on me for him to go early so i wouldnt have him and our daughter on the flight considering i hate flying and stress as it is!!

so my to do list:
1. shave the dog- yes that sounds weird since he wil be going some place cold but he is on medication cause of a flea bite and is shedding and stratching like crazy driving me crazy!

2. bath him- i plan to wait till tomorrow nite, the bug guy comes monday so i figured the nite before even though he doesnt have fleas would be best espically since he is going to my friends house for a few hours and she has two dogs!!

3. pre-vaccuum the entire house! also either sunday or monday depending on the weather tomorrow.

4. after bug guy, post vaccuum for the next two days and wash everything in the entire house espcially my daughter room since that is where he sleeps!

5. clean up floors so bug guy can spray- toys, clothes,ect... but i can leave all my daughter stuff in her crib till after the spray just in case.. (gross i know but she has a few bites even after i change her sheets!)

6. inventory house- a space a day should take me about a week and half... at the same time figure out what to sell and sell it (old clothes that dont fit, toys that we dont use, ect...) pictures and descriptions so i figured a space a day would be good cause i only get like 2 hours if i am lucky at nap time to get what i need done!

7. start working out... i really want my odl body back! i saw someone the other day who i havent seem in months and she was like oh did u lose weight u look good?!? and that was nice but honestly do people say that just cause they have nothing else to say?? i havent gained or lost any since i had my daughter i swear! (wii fit and wii zumba and gonna start back walking when its not raining or atleast try)

8. councilling... i have really bad depression which i have had for awhile, seen somoene in the past but since i got out of school i just cant afford it or havent found the right person or basically made an excuse to i wouldnt go... i hate meds and for some reason doctors like to put me on them... but i am going to a mediator/counciller like my husband and i did when we were having problems (he wont go again thinks its stupid- awesome right)... besides the depression i have angry management and trust issues with men (well u be raped by someone who was suppose to be your friend or someone you trust and have every guy you ever been in a relationship with abuse you and see how trusting you are, not to mention the issues with mental and physical abuse with all these past relationships)- basically i am broken and i know this but so did my husband but guess he now is seeing how broken...

so i guess thats my list doesnt seem like alot but it is... we have a 4 bedroom, 2 level,, 3 bathroom house with a porch (lanea) so i have alot of stuff plus i am a ocd hoarder, yes i am admitting i hoard but not nasty its all organized in boxes and labeled so thats why i say ocd hoarder (heheh i know you are all amused)... my goal s sto start this list tomorrow obviously i have to with some of it, pre bug cleaning... and i alsready shaved my poor monkey butt dog (yes he has bitten/stratched almost all the hair off his bum so he looks like a monkeys butt so sad)...

i am also gonna be as supportive of my spouse or whateva we are now... or atleast work on it... for our daughters sake... thats why i am doing the councilling...i know he would never cheat but still why would you wanna be with someone who isnt happy and cant seem to be happy and you think everything you do is wrong and never gonna get better?? i know he feels this way cause he has told me and i know i do it atleast i recognize it but its hard to fix when you are depressed... a large part of it is being trapped on this island... i dont hang out with too many people, though i met two really nice girls yesterday they were both young and pregnant (which for someone who was trying for a baby and hasnt gotten that lucky is hard)... i miss my friends in virginia!! honestly i had both military and nonmilitary and i would consider them all family!! no mater what they were always there helping and making me happy! there i never really felt alone, i mean when i first moved there and was in school i felt it but then i made friends, got a job and found me!! i married who i thought and will always feel the love of my life, my soulmate and started an interesting life of a military wife but now i am on this island... so hard to met people, get a job, or just be yourself without people judging! i dont drink much anymore and i never have done drugs so some people (yes their are a few wives who think its ok to do this on base!) think that i think i am better cause i think its stupid and have no desire... i have lost control in the past wiht alcohol i dont need drugs to have it happen too!! i have had shit in my drinks no thanks! i like being able to know what is going and feel everything!! ya so drugs arent for me plus i dont like sniffing things or needles and smoking is gross to me...

anyways this blog is longer then i planned it was just suppose to be my to do list for the next month instead it turned into a little of everything... anyways i am so excited i cant wait to move home and just be able to see friends and family and just be able to be me and not have people be mean cause i am nice to someone they dont like !( sorry i am not in elementary school that was forever ago and i dont want to go back!!)

oh ya and i plan to talk to the 3rd frg leader so we can clear a few things up before this deployment starts... atleast give her a chance, right?? putting a hand out cant hurt?? lets hope... more to come!

ps no baby, period came early but no cramps thankfully...hehe i know u all wanted to know :P