not sure

not sure about alot anymore... the more i sit and think the worse it gets... i honestly dont think the soldier (hubs) wants to be with me anymore, everyone else has gotten a call and he hasnt... u would think he would borrow someones phone and try to call or something...

it seems like everyone around me is pulling away or questioning anything i do... like yesterday i went to housing to ask about carpet cleaners (like if there is a specific comany i am suppose to use) and stopped at the park so my monkey could run around and have fun, on the way back a neighbor saw me stopped his car and asked where i was coming from... seriously do i have to check in with everyone!? i just dont feel like i can trust anyone...

i guess the not calling really lets me know where i stand... i have completely shut down which is bad cause i need to talk care of my daughter... nothing seems to be helping and tomorrow is an frg thingy and not even sure if i want to go...

sunday i might be going to lunch with someone i thought was a friend (the one who pushed away) to confront her about everyhting... but for some reason i dont think she will come she will come up with some excuse of why she cant go... i just dont understand people anymore, guess all army wives are like this they only are friends with u when they need u but back away when they dont need u anymore...

i just give up i guess... really wish my heart wasnt breaking and i didnt want to just cry

codependent

so i had another councelling session... basically been going once a week 3 sessions so far only 12 that i can go to...

so the first session was just me crying telling him my past and whats been going on...

the second, i brought my monkey (no sitter cause not trusting the one person who i thought was my friend-posted before), so we talked about how things were, mostly the whole drama with my neighbor and how the hubby and i talked about not allowing for change...

so my third session (the other day) was about being codependent, being raised in an alcoholic family, and being used by people who i thought i could trust...

so it kinda bugged me, seriously this counceller is getting on my last nerve... i am not codependent i am very independent, just at times like everyone i need someone to make me feel... feel in general about anything, everything just feel wanted... which lately i dont feel like i have anyone... or i am just pulling away which really sucks for my daughter but she still is happy we went to the park- a mommy and daughter date and she loved it!! now i just have to teach her that just cause there is two slides doesnt mean one is up and the other down... gotta love toddlers :)

ok so back to the codependent things, to me you have to have someone always around, telling you what to do and just always depending on them for everything! and i dont have or need that... yes sometimes when i do something i may ask for understanding not agreeing which to me is completely different but of course the stupid counceller felt its the same... which to me was very annoying... if i talk to a friend i dont expect them to always agree but understand which i guess i was wrong... i dont know anymore it would be nice to talk to someone who knows me but i havent told anyone whats going on so its hard...

the therapist wants me to express my feeling which i gues i never do... but to me how can u when everytime u turn around and try someone tells u u r wrong and cant feel that way?! so i just dont anymore or atleast express it which is why i am so stressed and angry lately but not like anone really cares or tries to even be there... ugh well i just dont know what else to say.... so i guess i will end this

but i will stand by i am not codependent and sometimes i just need soemone to understand and i dont think that makes me codependent :P

Friendship

such a funny word... yup that seems odd to say but what is friendship?

the state of being friends (or friendly)wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people, or animals. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. ...en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship

atleast thats what google says...

so why do i keep ending up with people who only want to be friends when its good for them or if they need something and when they are done with me they stop talking to me... yup i know how to pick them...

so the reason i am questioning this is cause a "friend" who was there in the delivery room when my daughter was born, has started pulling away hanging out with people she has said in the past she doesnt really like... i am getting ready to move so she says she just doesnt like byes but that is apart of military life so why make me feel like i was only a convienent friend?? when i tried to say something she says i am always angry and seem mad... well wouldnt u be? when one minute someone texts, calls, hangouts like every day then all of a sudden is never around, always busy?!

if this is whats gonna keep happening in the military life i dont know if i will survive u need your friends... i just dont know what to do since one minute what i did was right (the restraining order) and the next i am over reacting! make up your mind seriously how can you stay neutral all the time and not expect there to be problems?!

ugh thank god for blogging so i can vent... time to get stuff done around the house and pretend like everything is great :( can this deployment just start so i can move home!

Are you serious?!?!?!?

so not only today was the dumb neighbor served she decided to let everyone know and laugh about it like it was a fucking joke! seriously r u that fucking immature!?

this was right before my "friend" decided to tell me the reason she doesnt text or hang our or talk to me as much cause she is pulling away cause she hates good-byes! seriously you are a grown ass woman... whatever i dont care it just shows me that this lifestyle people are "friends" with you just till they dont need you anymore...

then after the whole being served i asked her if she thinks i overreacted and she says she thinks i am, this is after that day she understood and would have done the same...

so i called a friend from back east who told me its cause she is afraid she will have to deal with these people longer them me since she doesnt know when she is leaving...

i dont care tomorrow i plan to go to the head housing office not my stupid office and talk to the guy about this neighborhood and hopefully have a few people removed! seriously they are completely disrespectful doing drug on post while their husnads serve! i dont care what you use to do you are living here basically free with all these extras, yes i realize they take money out but i just think you get this house and other things and not have to worry about much you should respect your spouses job! they get drug tested so why would you think its ok? also having extra people live in your house just cause you dont feel like being a parent or cause you think its ok and let them bring in drugs is so wrong and against housing rules...

lets hope i can get things changed or atleast make people realize i dont play this high school bullshit and i will handle shit and not just sit there and let you do what you think is ok just cause you were raised that way! i was raised one way but i wont do things that disrespect my husband's job!

ahhh i am over this island and if i dont leave soon i may go crazier then i am!

so glad i have all these people that are so trustworthy (sacrasm)

and the award for worst mom goes to:

yup thats right me... well i feel that way... at the park the other day we were having a fun time with 3 of her new playmates (finally kids close to her age) and enjoying some snacks... and my poor little monkey fell backwards off the bench :( she is fine just a little bump but i was completely crushed... i know kinds fall and bump things but still... this was the day after she ran into the door frame and has a bruise on her forehead!! yup my kid got my clumpsiness (sp?)... poor kid!!

so that nite i came home my friends hubby checked her head after bathtime cause i just wasnt sure what i should be looking at plus my heart was crushed!! she is 100% fine back to normal running around and enjoyed the park today but still i felt terrible...

as i sat in my bed i wondered if i was only meant to have one? could i really handle another one?? i honestly feel like the worst mom ever right now and i guess if it was meant to be it would have happened but it didnt so maybe its not suppose to?? i would love her to have a playmate but i just dont know anymore :( after a few bumps within a few days i just feel horrible... i also dont really take her outside anymore here at home thanks to the crackhead neighbor but she has been not home all weekend, but it was also right after she got served well sorta they tried twice and now she has to pick it up! i am going to the head housing guy tomorrow i am just over having to change my life for someone who doesnt respect anyone!!

ugh well i havent slept much thanks to just everything that hs been going on with the hubs or whateva he is, the neighbor, and now my poor monkey :( but hopefully by the first week of february i will have some ideas, sleep, and happiness.... fingers crossed

my past has biten me in the ass once again :(

ok so i know i keep saying i will write about this and that later and since i went to the councilor alot of my past of course came up... ugh so annoying

ok so lets start with the fact that cause of her daddy being gone my peanut has decided to have a temper fit every time her daddy usually comes homes and continues till he calls, goes to sleep but wakes up crying throughout the nite and the first few nites 3am but this morning she wanted breakfast at 5am then went back to sleep about 6am till 930... this may kill me!!

well after that fun morning we went to the court to file my fun restraining order... i should have found out by 3pm but the peanut missed her morning nap so i needed to get home to have her take her nap... not that it helped she still was very grumpy when she woke up and screaming for no reason even after dinner... when she screams like that i feel like the worse mom ever... i know its not my fault and military life is hard but i just wish she was not as sad and frustrated or atleast i could help her :(

ok so my past (i guess i should appologize this may be long)...
i grew up in a rough house... my parents are still maried but my dad drank alot and hit me when he was pissed or i fucked up... but its the past and i guess its soemthign i will learn to get over with, i will never be like that with my daughter i cant :(

well i never really had any healthy relationships with guys but what would u expect i guess i dont know how to (atleast thats what the therapist said)...
my first bf treated me like i was a trophy he won over a football player... we went to different schools and worked together, he seemed like a nice guy (key word seemed)!! the football player had asked me out first but i wasnt really interested in either one plus i was going on a family trip for almost 2 weeks so no point to start a relationship... well the first guy went away for the summer and cheated on me, bragged to all his friends but denied it to me... i met another guy at work, wicked nice from washington... he was only here for the summer but we kept in contact... he almost was my first (ya i know tmi), anyways he ended up going into the army and becoming a ranger so when the iraq war started i havent heard from him since, sucks.... well after that i dated the football player that orginal asked me out... we were together for awhile almost 4 years... he cheated on me and i stayed, i let him destroy all the friendships i had and put alot of fighting with my parents... i did a ton of stupid shit-sneaking him in, spending the nite with him, and tons of lying to my parents. i honestly wish it was different cause my senior year of high school was very depressing and destructive...

after the cheating i basically drank and took pills to stop the pain, never together but just to stop the hurt... i also started cutting... ya i know not good but i had nothing and then i went and visited a friend at school and was raped... i got help but its always there and took me a very long time to have sex sober and like i even wanted too... sad but true
then i decided i needed a start over and moved to virginia went to school lived on campus and continued the cutting and drinking... so i started making bad decisions... i went to a party and met a guy who took advantage of the situation and basically had sex with me, how drunk i was there was no way i could have said yes...
after that i met a guy who i thought was nice... well we were off adn on for 4 unhealthy years... very abusive.. mentally and somewhat phsyical... we ended it but continued to have sex, so ya i realize its not ending but i was also seeing other guys which was stupid... when we finally stopped everything was when he said to bad u didnt die during your surgery cause the only way one of us could be happy is if one of us died... awesome huh?? i wished it was me every day :(
then i met some awesome friends who i still love to this day!! well there were a few i could have done without... one nite after alot of drinking i stayed at a friends house, she left me to go with her bf... she had another "friend" stay in bed with me to make sure i was ok... well even though i was blacked out i tried to push him off but he wouldnt take no for an answer... you can guess what happened... only 3 people knew what happened and who did it... i didnt want more drama between our friends so i kept it to myself...

not to long after that i kinda stopped drinking as much or atleast hanging out with certain people... i met my husband and then we are here, not sure what will happen...

yup thats my life... basically alot of crap and some how i found a guy who wanted me to be married to me and have children with me and i fucked it up....

i think i overwhelemed the theraptist cause he looked at me and said i looked tired and need to learn to love myself... honestly how can someone love themselves when everyone has always pushed them down to nothing?? ugh

sorry so long i said i would let u know and now i need to fix myself and try to save my marriage, wonder if it works :(

please dont feel sorry for me cause if i didnt go through all this i could not survive everything i go through espically be as strong as i am... right? i mean u need to be strong to be an army wife and dependent and i think all my shit has helped me!

ok i will end this and crash now... another long day back up to court to see if i will actually get the order *fingers crossed*

hahah gotta love karma

so i went to housing they are gonna look into the whole extra people living their for my crazy neighbor...

went to the mps filed a report... they understood why i waited and then said i have to go to wahiawa to get the restraining order but went their and they said nope have to go to honolulu...

i also let my husband company know... they at first thought it was against my husband and were freaking out since he is at ntc... so funny!! loved that afternoon call of a confused husband...

cause of when i found out it was done in honolulu and it was 2pm i am waiting til the morning but i plan to call first and make sure they will give me one!

the crackhead came to my door talking all this bullshit about how she felt like i was attacking her kids by ignoring her daughter... i told her i dont feel like she is sincere based on how the day went today and just her bullshit that comes out of her mouth! she then proceeds to say my friend is talking shit about me and saying i am crazy just like her and beat my husband (such a good laugh)!! well anyways i was like is that it, and she said ya i said ok and shut my door... i feel like her husband got in trouble by his co so she had no choice!

gotta love my life... i really hope i can get the order cause i would like to be able to take my daughter outside and let her enjoy the sun when its sunny!!

welll tomorrow i will write about the councelling and my past since i know i have mentioned alot but always said i will talk about it later... plus councelling about anger and just everything as long as i am confortable we will see its a guy so he may not understand :(

crazy-assness

ok so after that title i should explain, awhile back i moved from gated community across the street from main post to older housing next to people i hung out with!! well yes this is an old house and very annoying to clean i love the fact there is kids for my daughter to play with espically my friend's kids!!

anyways today my friend and i ran to the store to get a soda and she grabbed some mini m&ms for her kids and one for mine (she always done nice shit like that)... her husband stayed and watched all the kids... hahah lucky him!! so basically everyone is out with their kids no biggie... there is one female who has 3 kids with another guy and is now married to a soldier who use to be her client, yup i said client! she was/is a stripter! whateva i dont hold that against anyone people gotta do what they gotta do to put food on the table... anyways she also sells and uses drugs and to me on a military post and married to anyone in the military is disrespectiveful to their career and to the military in general! i realize she can do what she wants but she is not a quiet person and barely controls her kids!

ok so she was outside with her youngest who is about 2, my friend and i came back and were walking towards the kids and i had the m&ms... so i handed one to my daughter one to one son who was playing with mine and then the next son and the last one who was sitting with their dad... well i guess her youngest saw the candy and started chasing behind me saying i want, her mom (the stripter) said no come here! she didnt listen and i kept walking, not my job to tell someone no or help parent if the parent is right there!! well all of a sudden she is yelling at me about ignoring her kid and turning my back on her and what not!! seriously crazy bitch!! so i continue to walk and go sit with my friend and her hubby on the porch while all the kids play and enjoy their m&ms and she comes up screaming and flipping out with her sister half not even in english!! (she is hawaiian so thats why not all was english)...

so my response was karma is a bitch and just ignored her... saying i am not afraid of you and her saying next time she would flatten me out!! seriously who says that shit in front of kids!!?? well my friends husband was livid and he never gets that mad or atleast i have never seen it... so he went to her house told her to never yell in his yard every again that he doesnt do it and doesnt want that around his kids! he doesnt care what her problem is with me or vice versa... so she said sorry but of course tried to blame me, sorry asshole he was sitting right there! he also told her next time she screams like that at whoever he will call the mps!

well the hubs or whatever he is (still in the air) called to say good nite to our daughter.. and i told him what happen.. i told him i am going to housing and the mps... he also said to go to rear de and talk with the sgt in charge... and he fully supports me suprisely!!

i am just over this bullshit and i dont appreciate being threatened and the fact that she is local and her whole family is a call away i am not gonna start shit its just so childish and my child doesnt need to be around that! if i had to fight someone it would be one on one other then that its whateva i walk away! i definately dont appreciate her telling her sister where i live thats just not cool at all and doesnt make me feel safe! i know its post but still i should feel somewhat safe right?

ugh ok done venting i will post after i hear what the housing, mps, and rear de say... gonna be a long ass day

30 days

so the spouse or whatever he is right now is gone for a bit... 30 days or so

which unlike some wives works for me... now we can both think or figure things out without having to just look at each other and fight!! which thankfully we hold off till our daughter is in bed...

anyways since he is gone i have a list a things i need to do before the erd (military move bakc to mass) for this deployment.. and our dog leaves to my parents house next month! we felt it would be less stress on me for him to go early so i wouldnt have him and our daughter on the flight considering i hate flying and stress as it is!!

so my to do list:
1. shave the dog- yes that sounds weird since he wil be going some place cold but he is on medication cause of a flea bite and is shedding and stratching like crazy driving me crazy!

2. bath him- i plan to wait till tomorrow nite, the bug guy comes monday so i figured the nite before even though he doesnt have fleas would be best espically since he is going to my friends house for a few hours and she has two dogs!!

3. pre-vaccuum the entire house! also either sunday or monday depending on the weather tomorrow.

4. after bug guy, post vaccuum for the next two days and wash everything in the entire house espcially my daughter room since that is where he sleeps!

5. clean up floors so bug guy can spray- toys, clothes,ect... but i can leave all my daughter stuff in her crib till after the spray just in case.. (gross i know but she has a few bites even after i change her sheets!)

6. inventory house- a space a day should take me about a week and half... at the same time figure out what to sell and sell it (old clothes that dont fit, toys that we dont use, ect...) pictures and descriptions so i figured a space a day would be good cause i only get like 2 hours if i am lucky at nap time to get what i need done!

7. start working out... i really want my odl body back! i saw someone the other day who i havent seem in months and she was like oh did u lose weight u look good?!? and that was nice but honestly do people say that just cause they have nothing else to say?? i havent gained or lost any since i had my daughter i swear! (wii fit and wii zumba and gonna start back walking when its not raining or atleast try)

8. councilling... i have really bad depression which i have had for awhile, seen somoene in the past but since i got out of school i just cant afford it or havent found the right person or basically made an excuse to i wouldnt go... i hate meds and for some reason doctors like to put me on them... but i am going to a mediator/counciller like my husband and i did when we were having problems (he wont go again thinks its stupid- awesome right)... besides the depression i have angry management and trust issues with men (well u be raped by someone who was suppose to be your friend or someone you trust and have every guy you ever been in a relationship with abuse you and see how trusting you are, not to mention the issues with mental and physical abuse with all these past relationships)- basically i am broken and i know this but so did my husband but guess he now is seeing how broken...

so i guess thats my list doesnt seem like alot but it is... we have a 4 bedroom, 2 level,, 3 bathroom house with a porch (lanea) so i have alot of stuff plus i am a ocd hoarder, yes i am admitting i hoard but not nasty its all organized in boxes and labeled so thats why i say ocd hoarder (heheh i know you are all amused)... my goal s sto start this list tomorrow obviously i have to with some of it, pre bug cleaning... and i alsready shaved my poor monkey butt dog (yes he has bitten/stratched almost all the hair off his bum so he looks like a monkeys butt so sad)...

i am also gonna be as supportive of my spouse or whateva we are now... or atleast work on it... for our daughters sake... thats why i am doing the councilling...i know he would never cheat but still why would you wanna be with someone who isnt happy and cant seem to be happy and you think everything you do is wrong and never gonna get better?? i know he feels this way cause he has told me and i know i do it atleast i recognize it but its hard to fix when you are depressed... a large part of it is being trapped on this island... i dont hang out with too many people, though i met two really nice girls yesterday they were both young and pregnant (which for someone who was trying for a baby and hasnt gotten that lucky is hard)... i miss my friends in virginia!! honestly i had both military and nonmilitary and i would consider them all family!! no mater what they were always there helping and making me happy! there i never really felt alone, i mean when i first moved there and was in school i felt it but then i made friends, got a job and found me!! i married who i thought and will always feel the love of my life, my soulmate and started an interesting life of a military wife but now i am on this island... so hard to met people, get a job, or just be yourself without people judging! i dont drink much anymore and i never have done drugs so some people (yes their are a few wives who think its ok to do this on base!) think that i think i am better cause i think its stupid and have no desire... i have lost control in the past wiht alcohol i dont need drugs to have it happen too!! i have had shit in my drinks no thanks! i like being able to know what is going and feel everything!! ya so drugs arent for me plus i dont like sniffing things or needles and smoking is gross to me...

anyways this blog is longer then i planned it was just suppose to be my to do list for the next month instead it turned into a little of everything... anyways i am so excited i cant wait to move home and just be able to see friends and family and just be able to be me and not have people be mean cause i am nice to someone they dont like !( sorry i am not in elementary school that was forever ago and i dont want to go back!!)

oh ya and i plan to talk to the 3rd frg leader so we can clear a few things up before this deployment starts... atleast give her a chance, right?? putting a hand out cant hurt?? lets hope... more to come!

ps no baby, period came early but no cramps thankfully...hehe i know u all wanted to know :P

the decision

so finally since he leaves friday he came up with his decision... he has decided he would rather has his when its convient for him father then his daughter and me... he also rather play wow then be near me

so we are getting a divorce... we will stay married for the deployment to pay off the bills we have acquired together... as of right now i just dont know what to say or do... i dont want him in the house or near me but he is gone for a month so who knows what will happen...

i think i may just cut his family off... cut him off and disappear.. not sure where i will go but i am completely over men they all suck...

hawaii and wow has destroyed my marriage so for anyone who comes here be prepared...

its not what i wanted but its what he wanted...i just wanted respect and to feel like i was important to him!

sorry so short i just cant think my head hurts and havent slept well lately....

heartbroken

yup that basically sums up my life right now...

so the hubs didnt go to jag to get the paperwork for a divorce- he was too buys with a new guy and it only said it cause he was mad... how can someone say something but only cause they are mad and not mean it??

the whole weekend he slept on the couch last nite he slept with me but didnt sleep near me, our dog slept inbetween us...us such a horrible phrase right now...

its so hard he is getting ready for ntc training then the deployment, but he said before he leaves he wil have an answer... whether he wants to be done or work things out... he wont do counciling again though cause he felt it didnt work... i felt it worked it gave us a chance to say things to each other that we normal couldnt or didnt hear...

i just dont understand he sleeps in the bed with me, tells me he loves me, still calls me babe but doesnt know if he still wants to be married?? really!!

he has no idea how much i am hurting... he doesnt look at me the same but he hasnt in forever so maybe it really is over :( but now i am wondering why he stayed, why he talked about having a second child, just why? what am i going to do? go?

i honestly am still so alone and have no one... i put on a happy face for friends and family like everything is great and perfect.. but the honest truth is my heart is completely broken... i just dont think him even saying he wants to work on it will fix it...

i havent felt this bad in so long, why cant i be happy in a relationship once i hit 4 yrs plus things go down hill... i guess i am just a horrible person someone not meant to be with someone not meant to be happy... i honestly thought he was the one my true one... didnt care what anyone said that i was crazy or anything i just knew in my heart and soul he was perfect.... but at this very moment i feel so wrong and less then nothing... ok i am getting a teary eyed so i guess i am gonna try and just see what happens.............

can things get better or worse????

the ball dropped and so did my heart

yup so yesterday thought we were okay, not the best but we werent so horrible that we could atleast still sleep in the same bed...

so as the clock hit midnite the hubs said he wanted a divorce... so on monday he is supposely going to jag... not sure what i will do or what will happen but i guess i wont need my deployment blog


ya so i am completely crushed... very depressed... advoiding calls, texts, just friends in general... people usually blame me, guess i am just a horrible wife... i just wish someone would understand

basically we dont agree about wow, skyping with women whether their married or not but playing with them and talking on skype is inapprioate to me but other people (since they know the girl) think i am crazy... then there is the whoel shitty situation with his father who only calls/texts/emails him when he wants soemthing, basically when its convient for him to consider him as a son... but what do i know!

i just dont know i guess it just wasnt meant to be and everyone was right u cant marry someone u barely know it will end in divorce...or maybe it didnt work cause i feel trapped and lonely and have no one to talk to!! i just need support and dont have it at all, even the "friends" i have think i am over reacting when i have any feelings of insecurity...

i dont know gonna get some sleep or try.. tomorrow is another day of silence and fighting... he does leave soon for a month but who knows if i will still be here or be his wife... i will try to keep anyone who reads this updated... please pray i can survive this cause my ptsd isnt helping (maybe i will explain another time, long story)

watch what happens- andy on bravo!! lovin it

so 2010 is about over (here is hawaii still have an hour and half to go) but its basically the new year...

2010- first year the hubs and i actual lived together for more then 5 months! crazy married for four years and this was the first time!!

my monkey turned one!! she is talking, running and full of life, which honestly makes life so much worth living!

the hubby got accepted to the next phase of special forces!! a new adventure will begin soon and thankfully we will be back on the east coast!!

Christmas this year was decent... we stayed here on the island and went overboard with gifts but in my defense next year the hubby will be in afganstan so we had to make it special!! well the monkey got 2 hallmark books!! a daddy doll, jewerly, a puppy (remote control), musical broom (no clue what i was thinking), and her big girl potty!! oh and candy... santa was very nice to her!
family got her books, puzzles, dolls, musical toys, and clothes!!! oh ya my brother got her tickle me elmo and of course she is terrified of it!! she tried to put it back in the back and send it back to him!! so funny :)

we did the skype thing like always with the family...of course the monkey loved it and was dancing and singing and chatting away!!

we did the dinner thing with friends and had a single soldier over... so pretty love key

potty training well we kinda started... i found an article how to do it in 3 days... basically no bottoms for 3 days except bedtime and nap time... so far she has pooped on the floor thankfully she didnt touch it just said mamamamam... yup smart child... she peed on the floor and did a dribble in and on her potty but tomorrow is a new day so hopefully it will get better... she is only 17 months so i dont wanna push her and make her be afraid of the toilet so we stopped today and put a diaper on and let her play outside (its finally hasnt been raining so she deserved it)!!

new years we are doing nothing really exciting... went to a chinese place for dinner... monkey had calimari (yuck) and loved it!! its my families tradition so i wanted to keep it going and cant to do it next year with my family!! the hubs and i r just hanging out on the couch waiting bravo (yup love me some andy!!)

2011- well lets see, deployment, moving home, hopefully a second baby (fingers crossed), and just surviving a year with my parents...

not really excited for this year since the hubs will be gone but our goal is to pay off our bills and get out of debt which should happen in the first 6 months!! then 2012 we start special forces which means 2 years in north carolina, i am kinda excited for!!

i have finished now 3 certificates and bacholer degree so lets hope i can finally use one!

so the hubs got me zumba for wii and a massage... let me tell ya that massage i used today and it was awesome!! yup so going back for another one but i think an hour instead of 30 minutes!! the woman was so nice and really got my lower back and the top needs more work but its cause i have too much stress and too many knots she couldnt get out in 30 minutes (craziness!!)

ya so this blog is wicked long hahah opps!! i guess i should have written over christmas!!

well good nite and i hope everyone had a safe and happy new year!! and remember somewhere a soldier is kissing a screen instead of kissing their loves!! thankfully i have mine this year maybe next year too but hopes are not too high cause thats an army life!!

thank you!!