pregnancy

so today i decided to go to the doctors and get a pregnancy test even after taking two home tests and both coming up negative... i know that sounds weird but my period is 5 days late and still hasnt come!! it was negative but i have an infection in my kidney instead...

i know my husband and i are having all these problems but it broke my heart... but still no period or even signs its coming... i have basically all the same signs i had when i was pregnant with my daughter all over again but it was still negative... i wish i was not cause it would save my marriage more cause i want my daughter to have a playmate other then the dog and i kinda loved being pregnant (well up until the last week before i had her!! cracked rib and early delivery)...

i havent talked to my husband about it yet cause honestly we r still trying to figure out if we want to be together.. we r sleeping in the same bed again not cuddling but sleeping together and the other morning we had sex (both saying the other jumped them)... hahaha

i just dont know anymore... i know my doctors in the past told me i will have a hard time getting pregnant and going full term would be hard... i have had one miss carriage in college with an ex and that i guess was meant to be... but being married and doing what i am suppose to eatting wise and cutting out soda but nope not pregnant and still no period... guess i am just too stressed! guess thinking about divorce and whati will do and my husband depoying for a third time, just really stresses me... i mean even if we divorce i will still stress every day he is deployed... he almost got hurt last deployment and i know i shouldnt worry but its a fear... i will always love him no matter what we have a daughter i just wish he could decide what he wants... tuesday is another councelling session so who knows... we also realized this is the first time since we got married we have been together in the same house this long... crazy i know but going on a third deployment in 4 years and add in all the schools and training it adds up to not living together much thats why i was so suprised to be pregnant last deployment with my daughter... but i guess it could change you never know...

well i feel like all i am doing is repeating things over and over again.... just gonna crash and get a good night sleep but to the doctors in the morning to make sure its just an infection adn not my kidneys