day 1

so today we started councilling... it was only suppose to be a hour and half and we ended up being their for three hours!! i guess we had alot that needed to come out... it seemed to help i mean we both were able to get stuff out without screaming and someone walking away... alot was talked about that i wasnt expected to come up, things that happened in our past that made me break down... i honestly thought i could handle my past but i guess not... basically i have been raped i say 3 but some would say 4 since one guy i was making out with but i was so drunk that i dont even remember that... to me it was a one night stand that just maybe would not have happened if i didnt drink the "jungle juice" (which was later discovered someone spiked- that guy got his ass kicked by a few lacross guys who i was friends with)!!

anyways if my past never happened i dont think i would be here or even married to my husband... every choice you make make you who you are which is how i live my life... i guess that might sound weird or not right but the fact is if you think about it if you had a choice between A or B either one is going to take you a certain way, A might be the wrong decision but you picked it and have to continue with that decision but sometimes A is the right thing and your dreams come true... so thats how i look at my life and the decisions i have made, or actions that have happened... its apart of life...

i just hope this councilling works... we will see but for the third time in my life with my husband i have seen him cry or show more emotion then most guys usually show... i honestly believe he wants to be with me and he loves me and that he really wants things to work but who knows... guess we will see... next appointment not for two weeks so two weeks to work on everything that we talked about for three hours!! so far no fights so far working together for our daughter but its been that way since he has gotten home, the work week may show something different...

gonna end there since i feel like i have jumped around and maybe my thoughts are still just all over the place maybe tomorrow i can better express everything... very drained!!