divorce

the worlds worse word to ever hear, to ever be involved in...

but that is where my life is heading barely 4 years over because i wanted my husband to go to AA and he doesnt think he has a problem... i grew up with a father who didnt think he had a problem there is no way i want my daughter to grow up like that, feel the way i do about life... i want her to realize the good things in people and not think every person you come in contact with wants something and who eventually fuck you over...

yup last night he did the usually played with haylie kept asking is it time for her bedtime bottle yet (obviously he wanted to play wow not spend time with me)... so finally i said she can have it now it was close to 8pm anyways so it wasnt a big deal... then she was out and he went upstairs to play wow, i stayed downstairs and worked out (seriously gotta lose that fat now) after an hour i figured he would come snuggle in bed watch whateva movie migth be on... instead a friend called and asked if he wanted to have a few... should have realized neither of them know what a few means... i didnt care he was going i reminded him though our daughter gets up earlier (which he says i didnt and that i supposely said i would wake him up)and he said he would take care of her so i could get my errands done (get his fathers day gift)... well 430am he decides he has had enough to drink and makes as much noise as possible coming in (i woke up and looked at the clock) then destroys my kitchen and brings home beer (which he so didnt need)... well my alarm went off and i looked at him smelled terrible and he was dead to the world... so obviously i wasnt waking up to let him near our daughter! finally got her dressed and fed and i had had it!! my whole room smelled like shit to i starting flipping out to get the hell out of my bed... he did i through the sheets in the wash and told him i didnt need his help... as i was about to jump in the shower he is yelling did she eat?? i said i am a good parent and know how to take care of her so dont worry... yes bitchy but i was annoyed he fucked my plans up completely!! i needed to be somewhere by 9am the latest and there was no way he could be responsable so i told him get out... he left sorta... i hide his computer so when he was packing he tried to look for it and walked outside so i locked the screen door and wouldnt let him back in... he hasnt been back since but he said he would return with the mps which obviously is full of shit... i also called his sgt in charge told him he was thrown out (he was so not happy to be awake but to fucking bad) and i had his phone off but then turned it back on for a minute... when i tried to return it off the website wont let me so that will be tomorrow first thing...

so he has decided to stay at a guys house who is in the middle of a divorce too...which is not helping the situation at all... cause this is the same guy who sent him a text on the website for a divorce which he locked in his phone...

ya so now i am home alone like always with my daughter trying to figure out what i am going to do and how things could have gotten this bad...i wasnt feeling good last night and he didnt care all he cared about was himself... i just wonder was everyone right was it a mistake to marry someone i barely knew but felt a connection i had with noone before?!?!? i just wish my daughter wasnt going to suffer


i dont know anymore... maybe things will change soon but most likely not looking good and i may be stuck moving home to my parents till i can get on my feet.... yuck

:(