so the past few days have been horrible and crazy all in one... first I found out that my husband's father who hates me has been stealing pictures of my daughter by going on other peoples facebooks and going to my profile (I had some mutual friends that I have now deleted)! The worst part is he is posting them on a public place where anyone can print them. I know I shouldn't be as mad as I am but he has done nothing good to anyone related to him! he has no respect for me or is own son so why would I allow my child do be around that??
so because I found this and my husband not having a phone for a few days and being a work till after 10 and not seeing his daughter I was just not happy... so my husband walked in the door and I just flipped out screaming, telling him he needed to fix it or else! I know it wasn't nice but he promised that man would never have pictures of our child or children (if we have more) ever! well I guess I said our daughter will never go near his family again since I can't trust them and he got mad at me and slept on the couch. awesome I know and I made it even worse, throw my ring at him then throw all the pictures of him and I onthe floor at his direction... the next day I told him not to come home and he did with two other solders (so made things worse), didn't say a word to me, grabbed stuff and left! he has been in the barracks for tonight will be night two... he has told mutual friends he is done but the army is making him go to a counciler... which he said I am welcome to go with him or on my own- and that is where the title comes in!
I am not sure if i really want to go. that may sound selfish but the thing is when he got back from deployment I asked him to go with me to talk to someone cause I knew we needed it. we have barely lived together the whole time we have been married (total of about 1 year if that) cause of deployments and schools which I know is army life but it still sucks!! but he said no he would not talk to anyone not even the chaplan so now I am kinda stuck. I feel like he is only going because his job is making him not that he really wants to work on his marriage?!?!? he has texted and barely asks about his daughter which makes me wonder if he was ready to be a dad or he did it cause he knew I wanted a child or cause he was going to Iraq and thought he might die? I know that is extremely morbid but I also think its part of the military life... I do love him and everyone including his mom says I am so great for him but I just don't think we are the same people we once were and that makes me wonder should we even try? I honestly just don't know anymore
my heart feels like it is breaking every time i see him, he doesnt look me in the face and barely says anything... I also have been having these lovely chest pains with the thought of divorce and raising my daughter between two homes and wondering if they would be better for her not that a soldier is around much so she would be with me...
I thought I was strong enough to be an army wife but I guess everyone who thought I was such a horrible person because I stole my husband from his friends wife (long story but basically i never said he couldnt hang with them he just decided he wanted to hang out and get to know me and that made the wife mad and she made sure everyone hated me and only knew the shitty things most of which were not true!) was right!
I have never been so confused or heart broken... if I go to therapy there is a chance we may work it out and have a great marriage but then there is the chance we realize we rushed in and made a huge mistake... all I know is I dont want a single cent from him if we divorce (god I hate that word) I will do it on my own without anyones help...
maybe I just need to find myself?? I once did and then I lost it or I think I found who I was or maybe who I wanted to be at that time... oh well I guess I will end this blog (I almost said it and realized that sounded like suicide) but anyways advice is welcome... but I know in the end I will have to decide what is best for my daughter and me
good nite
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