a little vent

ok so if you dont wanna hear this then dont read anymore cause i am gonna mostly vent about stupid young people!!

i honestly have nothing against young people at all, i am almost 28 i know not that old but old enough that i am close to 30!! at 22 (back in 2005) i have surgery on my kidney and was told i may never be able to have kids... so getting pregnant with my daughter literally took my hubby and i 3 years (yes he was deployed 15 months) but we did everything; i got fertiality tested, took prenatals, watch what i ate, stop drinking soda, and did pee immediately after sex (sorry tmi i know)... but when we did it was bitter sweet, hubby deployed literally a week later :(

ok so after having my daughter i went back on birth control just in case (my mom had my brother and i 11 months apart)... so once he got accepted for the next phase of special forces and we knew there wasnt gonna be a deployment till next year if he stayed and waited on SP... so perfect time for baby number 2 plus our kids would be less then 2 years apart so playmates!! well of course i am having the hardest time getting pregnant, i stopped my birth control in march so we were thinking maybe may i would get pregnant and be due february or even april due in march... but still not pregnant last month my period was a week late but it ended up i had an infection (such a tease)... and again my period is late only a few days if i go off last month but still late, took a test and was negative (kinda crushed both of us)...

ok so anyways my little vent... i am tired of hearng all these young girls under 21 saying that they have a hard time getting pregnant!! seriously and you have been trying for how long?? a few years, thats nothing!! i know i am not 40 yet but still... if you have one baby and are pregnant with your second you dont have problems with getting pregnant... it took a bit cause you were not good at doing every other day or whatever else a doctor would tell ya... basically i would like to smack girls like that, sorry little girls but you cant have fertilaity problems if you arleady have one baby and about to have another one or havent even tried cause it doesnt happen over nite...

maybe i will be pregnant next month i just was trying to be pregnant and let the hubby be there for it and be there for the delivery... yes we realize he would miss the first year in person but video works wonders and i just want him to experience a pregnancy with me and a delivery (ok suffer alittle) hehehe

well good night... i am done venting hopefully i can sleep now and not just toss and turn all night!! two nights of crying myself to sleep for not sure why kinda sucks

why be so rude!?

so today we had my daughters 1st birthday party!! it went great sorta!! there was suppose to be 40+ people (including kids), so we got tons of food, a slip n' slide, (attempter) water balloons, a pinita, tons of sugar (cookies, cake, cakecakes, candy and chips), and presents!!

so the hubs texted all the guys from his company he invited the day before as we were on our way to the store... well everyone said ya we will be there... so we knew tons of food and fun would have been needed!! or so we thought

so basically he retexted everyone to let them know bring extra clothes for the kids we had water stuff to do (pretty warm day or it was perfect!) well 130 when the party was suppose to start one couple showed up but had to leave early cause of work (no issues there), then the hubs came back from getting more frosting and dropping the dog off with 2 other people (one didnt bring her kid cause she was cranky and her hubby didnt come cause he just wanted to play video games)... then all the people i invited showed up and one other family (just the hubby kids were in trouble)... so there was suppose to be like 5 other families (maybe 6) that said they would be there! they never showed up which is kinda rude in my opinion just cause of some bullshit drama that has nothing to do with me or my daughter!! it kinda hurt my feelings and the hubs i think was bother too (he plays to ask what the fuck was up with it on monday)... well the people that came made our peanuts day!!

it was so awesome... the pinita we bought u pulled strings inside of a huge stick... so the little kids actually got a shot!! it didnt work too good but then we all watched one soldier take a stick and swing like it was a fast abll at us! it was so funny cause it came crashing towards all of us! as i was taking a picture i ran!! but definately a good time and the sticker got a piece then got her presents!! toys a musical ones and a baby doll that she tried to kiss thru the box (she is so loving!!)

i am glad with the people who came and the ones who didnt fuckem they missed out!!! my cup cakes came out awesome, everyone chowed down!! i made spinach and arochoke dip, and a sour cream/mayo dip... i also attempted a cake but forgot to grease the pans so they didnt work so well!! first one came out crappy but the second one worked well and was enough for all the kids! i also made my own chips for the dip... i think i didnt pretty good since i am no martha stuart or betty crocker!!!

the little stinker had a bath which for the first time (thanks to her new bath toys) she jumped in well attempted! and then bedtime bottle and out cold once she saw the do was in her room with her!! (last nite the dog took himself for a walk so she wouldnt go to sleep until the dog was back)-best friends its so cute!!

well this blog is alot longer then i planned but honestly i am glad for the people i have met here and that were happy to celebrate our princesses birthday since our family couldnt be here!!

my little peanut

i cant believe it my daughter is no longer a baby she is official a toddler!! the hubs and i took her to get her ears pierced, i am tried of people asking if she is a girl or a boy even in pink! so we took her to claires... me being the chicken my hubby held her while two associates pierced my poor little peanut... of course it brought a crowd, a man holding down a little girls arms... i of course was kidding hiding cause watching her get shots sucks so i knew ear piercings would be just as bad... she screamed and i mean she was loud, with big tears streaming down her face... she didnt want daddy at that point just mommy... atleast now she looks like a little girl and now she wont remember the pain but can always just take them out when she is older if she doesnt want to wear earrings...

that was the weekend and basically cleaning to get ready for her skype birthday with the family and her birthday party... we are doing a skype since we are in hawaii and our entire family is on the east coast... thought we would do something nice let her open presents that the fmaily sent her and let them watch like they were at the party....

well this week is gonna be crazy, hubby starts actually training so my other blog will be used a little more...

DIVORCE

such a ugly word... and lately more and more couples around me in my hubbys company are saying it!! some of the guys just want to be single but of course after they knocked up their wives for the second time! i just dont know maybe alcohol classes worked maybe next they should try couple classes and maybe make evry one sit through them.... they just need to understand having alife with a family outside deployment!

so today, my hubby and i were just hanging out being lazy and his gets a call... "hey sgt my wife kicked me out" (obviously his side of the story, wifes side he left and told her she is going home)... so since so many guys are single or in the process of divorcing their was no room in the barracks! so the soldier is staying with us... i guess its better then some of his other choices...

but what can you say to someone when you are still trying to work things out?!?! maybe a councellor might help you guys too??!! i just dont know anymore

well hubby is coming to bed and we are gonna talk and have some us time since we really havent...

will write more lata to explain more cause tomorrow i will definately have more to say!!

ring

so its been awhile since my husband or i have wore our rings... of course we both want to but for some reason we cant agree to put them on... my feeling is him saying he is not sure if he wants to be married to me (admitting it in councelling) kinda doesnt make me want to put it on... he also said until i put it on since i took it off first he wont put his on... wicked annoying but i see where he is coming from but wish he would understand it from my point of view!! i want him to do something basically we picked it out together so it wasnt a suprise not that i like suprises but sometimes something romantic would be nice... i dont think i am asking to much... maybe just a little proof he does want this to work but he wants to take it slow... i dont know i mean i know things r hard finally living together more then 5 months in a row and having an almost one year old!!! i just wish i could change how things r sometimes... i want to be with him and i want him to want to be with me and not think about that this might not work...


ahhhhh sometimes i just want to scream... should i just give in and put the ring on?? just giving up and just give him what he wants?? i dont know anymore am i asking too much of him?? i dont know but battery is dying and cord is in another room... oh well maybe something will come in to me in my sleep :/

this blog

so i have decided to make this more of a journal then anything but if you follow me (which is only one person) then this one will be more what is on my mind and feelings that i dont want everyone to see but my other blog which is still public will be there...

so today was a very stressful day... my car is registered in mass since that is where i am from and will always be from!! plus i have paid taxes on my car and plan to go there when my hubby deploys again cause i so cant stay in hawaii again i am going island crazy!! so anyways i went to the dmv here in hawaii with all my papers i had to have... and well the ass behind the counter was like you were suppose to register ur car the day it got here (which was a year ago) and i lived on post and had decals from fort myer that were not expired and didnt have to changed them right away and once they expired (i was 8 months pregnant) so i couldnt get it off or even realized it was expired!!and they let me on post with no problems until recently!! so to get new decals i needed to get my car inspected and the mean guy a the place said i needed a hawaii insurance card... well thank god usaa is so willing to be helpful and do whateva they can to get me what i need... mass doesnt give cards cause they feel its a waste of paper!! so usaa changed my insurance to hawaii so i could get a card then changed it back to mass!! well finally got it inspected and then went to the dmv.... (just releazed i jumped alot sorry tons of back story)... got to the counter and the lady said i was answering the questions wrong... i guess i was suppose to say both of us (hubby and i) r both residents of mass even though he is a resident of michigan??!! well then she said i needed to pay back taxes for this year and all this other shit to get my stickers for my car... when she then said it would be $250 i told her to go fuck herself and left!!

i called my dad (yup daddys girl) crying and he said he would look into seeing whathe could do so i can get my car back to mass when i leave this horrible island!! thank god for him cause the hubbys wasnt answering his phone and i was having my second breakdown in a week!!

i think i am just slightly stressed since my hubby and i r still in councelling and not sure what is gonna happen... he says he still loves me and is not sure what he wants.... its been hard lately with a ton of fighting... we r just still getting use to living together sinc almost 4 years beng married and only living together for 6-7 months at one time! then theres the whole deployment coming up... the thought of number 3 in such a short period of time is so exhausting!! so thats a major reason why i am moving home to get help with my daughter and so we can save money and pay off bills... my visa (stupid company) keeps changing names (washington mutal to chase) theres more but i have no clue right now, i have had the card since i was 18! (ten years) my cards total amount keeps going up and down and the interest rate basically lately has kicked me in the ass... it was 15000 then went to 11000 (army messed my hubbys paycheck and i wasnt working) then i got a letter that its now 9000!! so its kinda becoming a pain and we just wanna pay it off completely! (then never use it again)... the last thing is my period was a week late and instead of being pregnant i had an infection in my kidney (bad kidneys)... kinda heartbreaking... when we were good we were talking about a second baby but now who knows

well i guess i will end this i am just kinda going on and on but ya all these reasons and basically feeling so completely trapped here in hawaii (i could drive home at our last duty station when i needed a break and here i cant)... i guess i just miss my friends and family :(