its 3am

yup and i havent slept one wink just tossing and turning... which is driving my dog crazy!

two years ago today i gave birth to my beautiful daughter! i am very happy and thrilled i have her honestly not sure where i would be if i didnt! anywys for some reason i m running thru all the shit that happened to us since we moved to hawaii and i left... some of the choices i wonder if i did that instead of wht i did pick would things be different? would i have stayed in hawaii instad of moving home? probably not but still a thought

if we took the first house they offered us maybe i wouldnt have gotten that job at the mll (which was a waste of time honestly)... wouldnt have become friends with my boss (that would have sucked) she would not have introduced me to carissa (wish i didnt met her)... wouldnt have had a crazy chick live with us for a short bit (long story but a married soldier's gf who we didnt know was married)... taken our dog with us when we went home on christmas, hubbys bonds would not have been stolen and cashed! didnt call carissa when i went into labor, wouldnt have been given the free crub or changing tabke or anything else they bought but then maybe i wouldnt have felt like she was trying to be my daughters mother and none of the crap that went down would have gone down (restraining order, dugs, fights with hubs)... if we just got a storage unit in hawaii and i didnt make hubbby let me take almost everything! if we didnt move to older housing to be close to fake people! if i didnt have a miscarriage :(

honestly who knows if things would be different or even how different... if hubby and i wouldnt have fought so much... if we wouldnt have been in so much debt... if i could have survived another deployment in hawaii??

alot of wht ifs but i know one thing i love my daughter and so glad i have her! i really wish with ll my heart i didnt lose the baby but i did and obviously it wasnt meant for right now but it still hurts, actually crushes and scares me... not sure if i want to try for another one??

well mybe with all this done now i can get maybe 3 hours of sleep! princess happy birthday daddy and mommy are so lucky you are here and amaze us more and more evey day <3

stay safe babe we love and mis syou and i cant wait till you are home and holding me!