defeated

so once again things dont go as planned and i am suppose to shut up and deal with it... so instead i shut down :(

the deployment is over and hubby was suppose to go to air borne school in june which meant he would be here for our daughters birthday! well once again the idiot who is suppose to set up the dates and kept saying for months dont worry you are june told him july 20 is his report date! are you fucking kidding me!! so not only does that mean we are stuck in hawaii longer, i miss my sister's graduation from high school (baby of the family), hubby misses another birthday! i literally am just shutting down! i am so heart broken and there is nothing that can be down, as usually because i am upset i am the bad person... doesnt he realize i feel like i cant give my daughter a good birthday ever! especially when he leaves!! how is she going to feel when she looks at pictures and never see daddy on her birthday or her birth!? seriously!? he was is iraq for a birth came home a week later, 1st birthday was jsut terrible, nothing went as planned and i just was very stressed- family only got skyped in which sucked... her 2nd birthday he was on a mission in afghanistan so my family tried to make it special and a friend (who i nolonger speak to) and i took her to the zoo which she loved!

i guess i am truely upset because he promised if he deployed that 1. we would be off this island and in a house before her birthday and 2. he would be here for her birthday!

am i asking too much :( i just feel horrible and defeated and honestly there are days i feel like a terrible mom cause i dont htink i can handle this lifestyle anymore and want out :(

i just dont know anymore..i am just so lost