want to cry

so the past few days i have been trying to figure out a photobook for the first year plus of my daughter's life! i had the exciting idea i would make her photo albums; one for birth till 4 yrs old, kindergarden thru 5th grade, middle school, then high school... then i would give it to her as a gift to go off to college with... cute i know right and with shutterfly and snapfish (working on both see which i like better) i thought so much easier! well i guess my photos for some reason a good amount are not high enough resolution so they may come out shitty i guess :( not sure if its cause of my carama or cause i just took them off my facebook... i am hoping its the facebook reason and once i get the storage stuff organized i can get disk thing for my netbook and go from there or i may just get a new computer (gotta talk to the hubby)...





so back to the title, i am very stressed that i lost all these great moments of her first two years! it makes me very sad plus i think i am getting close to my period so i am extremely hormonal :( so i think i may have to get a new camara and of course i have no idea what i want or what to get.. my friend has a nokia (sp?) and she said i should get one but when i tried to use hers i am slightly tech non savy! seriously i such at technology... and a guy i went to hs with said the same or cannon... so i dont know! do people not realize i really am not that good with camaras?!?! i guess if i find my battery charger i could keep my other camara for bar nites out and get an expensive nice camara for family pics and such? i dont know...

suggestions and/or opinions are welcome so i dont like stupid when i go to best buy :) or if u know a cheaper place to get a nice camara please let me know!!

thanks and enjoy ur day unfortunately its a rainy day now!

days like this make me think, why

ugh so this morning woke up to my brothers dog eating my sisters bathing suit (she wasnt happy when she found out)! he cant afford his dog but he has one which is fucked up! he barely can afford himself! so they we started fighting and he is fucking psycho and flipped out throwing me to the floor then i punched him in the face and he tried to break my wrists in front of my daughter! seriously how many fucking times do i need to ask someone to dont scream, yell, flip out, throw shit in front of my daughter! so i told my dad and mom he needs to go or next time i call the cops! they wont throw him out and continue supporting his fucking bullshit! so i am done!

then my dad tells me saturday he is using my car and taking my daughter to drop my mother... not asking if he could just he would only be gone to drop her off then be back... i know thats bullshit so i said no... now he is being a fucking asshole saying no one likes me and get out... realy u want me out fine then u will never seen ur grandchild again... i am done with bullshit i am done with u supporting a piece of shit and being a jerk just cause u dont get what u want... u want a nice car get a fucking job and buy one instead of piss of shits that u let ur son tear/destroy down! seriously!!

ugh why did i move home... i love having my friends and i thought being around family would be good but seriously evryother day its more bullshit i dont need! this deployment needs to end my hubby needs to come home and we need our place... i know moving home was the best i am not as depressed (obviously still somewhat) but i am not alone and hating life, as much...i just hope things getting better but i do have a trip coming up and monkeys birthday just gotta figure out what we are gonna do just sucks her daddy is not here :(

wish i could sleep this year away some days... some days i just wish i was stronger... just wish i didnt want to cry

i dont know... guess i just dont know

ps for r&r planning on vegas and i will be taking my keys with me and someone wont be using my car when i am gone if that means i park it at someone else house i will!